The Tottenham Chronicles

1-6 at Old Trafford. " A scoreline that would make Danny Blanchflower blush!"

Spurs ended the-fixture-pile-up-from-hell week with a resounding 1-6 at Old Trafford; a scoreline that beat the 1-5 demolition of United in 1959 (WHAAAAT?) when Bobby Smith was banging them in. 
Golly. What could it all mean ? 🤔 
 

DIER DUMPS CHELSEA OUT OF THE CUP.

- DIER TAKES A CARABAO ON CHELSEA'S LEAGUE CUP HOPES
- IT'S A 1-1 VAR HORROR SHOW AGAINST NEWCASTLE
- AND IT'S MACCABI OR BUST IN THE Europa League PLAY OFF FINAL

The Exorcism of Pochettino continues (Southampton and KF Shkendija)

It's death by high line at St Mary's as Spurs send Southampton packing 2-5 followed by a 1-3 win in the Europa League playoffs against KF Shkendija in Macedonia to set up a tie against Maccabi Haifa. Ugh. It's gonna be a long year. 

Bale is coming home and then "I spat in my own mouth."

Everton, Plovdiv, Bale and anti Communist Paramilitary movements are put under the microscope by the Hackney marshes prognosticators.

All or Nothing...Mostly Nothing.

The Sunday morning suckers are back to pore over 3 middle order pre season wins; whether Hjobjerg could be the new Jordan Henderson and the Amazon fly in the ointment documentary 'All or Nothing'.

Messi called Joe Hart a "Phenomenon", Lionel is on his way!

Hojbjerg and Hart are on the agenda this week as preseason resumes and everyone's in quarantine and why Lionel Messi after 20 years at Barca wants to be announced as a Spurs player in the bonus episode of All or Nothing documentary.

Troy Deeney Special - End of the World Review.

The chroniclers forensically dissect whether Troy Deeney will make Ndombele the best footballer in the world whilst holding Harry Kane in a headlock.

"He pulled a Pride String". Crystal Palace - Tottenham Hotspur

"He pulled his pride string." With Europa League qualification in the bag the chroniclers return to review the last Morbid-ball game of the season against Crystal Palace as we put the case forward for Troy Deeney to become one of ours. Heaven forbid!

"We could've had a Tomato rotting in slo-mo" Tottenham Hotspur - Leicester City

"Harry Kane was rigid" Newcastle United - Tottenham Hotspur

Tottenham's potential hijacking of Leicester City's Champions League place continued to make good progress at St James' Park in front of some journo's, a stretcher and some baked on pigeon faeces.

"Where's he been hiding that for 7 years?" Tottenham Hotspur - Arsenal

A victory against Arsenal eh? Well I'll be damned.

"Spray the sphincters out of the building" Bournemouth - Tottenham Hotspur

It is our privilege to pick the sweetcorn out of this 0-0 display against a plucky Bournemouth. Much work to do!

"Tanning the gooch" Tottenham Hotspur - Everton

This is one of those games where you have grave concerns that this is some poor kids first - and it would put them off for life. We enjoyed it though.

"He's just a hospital Pass Dispenser" Sheffield United - Tottenham Hotspur

We slosh around in the guts of Tottenham's latest sufferball defeat to Sheffield United in the Premier League...Ouchy!

“The heat tiles are flying off him.”

The boys return to gorge themselves on the lacklustre hammers.

"He's got a 5 foot shin." Tottenham Hotspur v Manchester United.

2 retired Hackney Marshes veterans dissect Tottenham Hotspur matches with a rusty spoon, fresh from polluting their minds with it. Let the healing begin.