The Tottenham Chronicles

Lord of the Gash

😈 This week we rip into the Liverpool, Leicester and Wolverhampton Wanderers game's and hypothesise why José parks the bus and then summarily he throws everyone under it. 
💩Perhaps to get a few more players in the January window? Who knows. Enjoy
and Merry Christmas. What's left of it.👍

WILL JOSÉ BIN OFF THE FIRST HALF AT ANFIELD?

👾In Tottenham's biggest league game since 2010 is tonight the night we finally become winners we've all been afraid of and prevail at fortress Anfield?💉
🦷Oh and we look back at Crystal Palace, Royal Antwerp and Arsenal.🧘🏼

EP 20 The month of death is looking pretty perky after a win and a draw against the Citizens and the blues.

It's hard watching for everyone isn't it? but at least we are top of the league?

Brighton, bale'd over and Antwerp, royally unimpressed.

🛎Bale takes 3 minutes to take all 3 points against strikerless Brighton in a 2-1 win that lifts Spurs to 2nd.
🧸José throws toys out of the pram with 4 half-time substitutions against the number 1 matriculated side in Belgium, Royal Antwerp
💔Pochettino waltzes back into our lives, flaunting it on Monday Night football and compares Dele to Ronaldinho surely not.

"Don't sink to Burnley's level, rise from beneath it, and then wreck it."

- It's all hail Vinicius this week, as we applaud the Brazilian's standout debut for Spurs in the Europa League.
- We take a look at how Trippier, Foyth and Vertonghen are doing abroad owing to my lack of cancelling my Premier Sports subscription. UGH.
- and finally we examine the match that only a mother could love against the blunt instrument that is Burnley and how it was every bit as crucial as defacing United 1-6 at Old Trafford.

"Spurs were 10 minutes from winning the league." West Ham United 3-3.

On the show this week we slobber all over the 3-3 with West Ham;
We take a forensic and yet apoplectic look at Project 'Big Picture'
which turned out to be Euro Super League. OOPS!!! 
and finally we discuss whether José is the perfect Covid Coach to deliver the prize we all crave.

1-6 at Old Trafford. " A scoreline that would make Danny Blanchflower blush!"

Spurs ended the-fixture-pile-up-from-hell week with a resounding 1-6 at Old Trafford; a scoreline that beat the 1-5 demolition of United in 1959 (WHAAAAT?) when Bobby Smith was banging them in. 
Golly. What could it all mean ? 🤔 
 

DIER DUMPS CHELSEA OUT OF THE CUP.

- DIER TAKES A CARABAO ON CHELSEA'S LEAGUE CUP HOPES
- IT'S A 1-1 VAR HORROR SHOW AGAINST NEWCASTLE
- AND IT'S MACCABI OR BUST IN THE Europa League PLAY OFF FINAL

The Exorcism of Pochettino continues (Southampton and KF Shkendija)

It's death by high line at St Mary's as Spurs send Southampton packing 2-5 followed by a 1-3 win in the Europa League playoffs against KF Shkendija in Macedonia to set up a tie against Maccabi Haifa. Ugh. It's gonna be a long year. 

Bale is coming home and then "I spat in my own mouth."

Everton, Plovdiv, Bale and anti Communist Paramilitary movements are put under the microscope by the Hackney marshes prognosticators.

All or Nothing...Mostly Nothing.

The Sunday morning suckers are back to pore over 3 middle order pre season wins; whether Hjobjerg could be the new Jordan Henderson and the Amazon fly in the ointment documentary 'All or Nothing'.

Messi called Joe Hart a "Phenomenon", Lionel is on his way!

Hojbjerg and Hart are on the agenda this week as preseason resumes and everyone's in quarantine and why Lionel Messi after 20 years at Barca wants to be announced as a Spurs player in the bonus episode of All or Nothing documentary.

Troy Deeney Special - End of the World Review.

The chroniclers forensically dissect whether Troy Deeney will make Ndombele the best footballer in the world whilst holding Harry Kane in a headlock.

"He pulled a Pride String". Crystal Palace - Tottenham Hotspur

"He pulled his pride string." With Europa League qualification in the bag the chroniclers return to review the last Morbid-ball game of the season against Crystal Palace as we put the case forward for Troy Deeney to become one of ours. Heaven forbid!

"We could've had a Tomato rotting in slo-mo" Tottenham Hotspur - Leicester City

"Harry Kane was rigid" Newcastle United - Tottenham Hotspur

Tottenham's potential hijacking of Leicester City's Champions League place continued to make good progress at St James' Park in front of some journo's, a stretcher and some baked on pigeon faeces.

"Where's he been hiding that for 7 years?" Tottenham Hotspur - Arsenal

A victory against Arsenal eh? Well I'll be damned.

"Spray the sphincters out of the building" Bournemouth - Tottenham Hotspur

It is our privilege to pick the sweetcorn out of this 0-0 display against a plucky Bournemouth. Much work to do!