The Tottenham Chronicles

Rich-Snarl-ison_S3_E5_FOREST 0-2 SPURS

👍A 0-2 victory at newly promoted Nottingham Forest courtesy of Harry Kane leaves Spurs sitting pretty in the top 4 after 4 games behind Arsenal and Manchester City. 
👺We discuss the splendour of Richarlison and how we must all used to attritional football and enjoy the tears of others, interspersed with some moments of genius to lighten the mood, just enjoy the "W's kids!
🤕We then turn our attention to the transfer window being bricked up; then West Ham, Fulham and Marseille in rapid succession... things are hotting up in what will prove to be a real bezerker season but one with real promise. 🤹‍♀️
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#coys
 

PSG, SPORTING AND COPENHAGEN in the Champers League please S3_E4

🐺Wolverhampton (1-0 Kane) was a bit of a dirge but in a long season with a World Cup in-between, Spurs will need to keep ticking over with results like these whilst Liverpool, Chelsea and Manchester United look to gory rebuilds. 🐐We discuss the rare genius of Harry Kane and look ahead to malformed Forest. (They are too early in their development to be any good and we should prevail.)
🖕And finally we discuss the devious skullduggery of Cuti Romero and how he mysteriously sat out the Wolves game citing an injury - but akin to a hitman who is required to lie low in a flea ridden desert hotel for a few days to let the incident (attempting to pull Cucurella's hair disguise off) "blow over" our mad bastard central defendsive enforcer has announced himself fit for Nottingham Forest just as the PGMOL cop car has turned the corner...Sharp practice from a Spiky team. Up the Spurs 
 

Stole a point from Satan. S3_E3

2-2 v Chelsea. We ate turd for 90minutes and stole a point from Satan's clammy and mostly dead clutches.
We discuss, hair pulling, Cuti cutting Havertz in half, evil, spitting on Eric Dier's shorts, Rich-snarlison, vomit, the absurd ambidextrousness of Perisic, the soon to become crowd favourite Bissouma and the enduring and flailing menace of bottom placed Manchester United.
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”Kulu on Kouli, Chelsea are in trouble” 4-1 v Southampton S3_E2

It was the 1st game of the 2022/23 season and Tottenham appear to be cooking. Southampton wilted 4-1 to a Spurs team that had purpose, poise and an unrelenting appetite to tenderise. Ahem.
We the turn our attention to Chelsea in the 2nd game of the season at Stamford Bridge aka "The Dark Shrine of fallen idols" full of unheralded confidence; and that's not something you can often say in the last 20 years.
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The Tottenham Chronicles team.
 

”Bring the Pain” S3_E2

🤩Tottenham are on the precipice of something truly terrifying; a team and head honcho who feel that they could crush the football universe. 🙀 This is a rare event  and one that must be honoured, so rejoice.
Spurs are teetering, inconceivable notions have been dreamt, impossibilities suddenly seem tangible and so as of now, the Spurs army feel tall, perhaps the most substantial we've ever felt in recent memory...So obey this treasured moment; and despite almost 30 years of flickering light perhaps we this season we could burn brighter than ever before. Oh do bring the pain; but not for us, season 2022/23 is nigh. 🧟

”On me head, Richarlison” S2E20

This is the most comfortable transfer window in recent memory: UCL qualification, an incredible group of players that is being bolstered daily by assassins and a manager that brings the pain...and as for everyone else they are recovering from Ryan Mason's wedding piss up!
We talk Richarlison, Perisic and Bissouma and how the art of deception is Conté's secret weapon.

Without You Arsenal, We Are Nothing. S2E19

Nuno Espirito Santo, Pacos de Ferreira, Antonio Conte and NS Mura; this season has been a wild ride comprising of pain, hardship and more pain, but inexplicably we are now 90 minutes away from Champions league football. 
Soccerball, eh?
Our best night ever against our made up arch rivals and ill-conceived Arsenal followed by a dry Burnley match ( did you really expect anything less?) culminating in an Arsenal gut drop for the ages against Newcastle which sets up a final match of the season against an already relegated Norwich…what could possibly go wrong?
But if it all goes right...some of the best attacking talent in the World will be representing in the World's finest knock out competition...or it might be Eddy Nketiah!!!
We are building right!
UP the Spurs.!

WINNER TAKES ALL...OR NOTHING...S2 E18

It's a winner takes all (perhaps) in the penultimate, penultimate match of the season between 4th and 5th to maybe decide who will go into the prequalifying rounds of a competition that neither team can possibly win. 
Oh, this one is for the ages alright. 
It's a match as big as the 1991 FA Cup semi final at Wembley...and 5 years since Arsenal finished above Spurs in the league.
Can Tottenham survive the might of Rob Holding, Elneny, Cedric Soares and Eddy Nketiah?
This is the biggest, albeit spuriously rearranged, game for Spurs since 2019...
Take it all.
#coys

”Marcus Rashford should consider joining Greenpeace” S2E17

Losing to Brighton at home (0-1) and drawing away at Brentford (0-0) after obliterating Newcastle, Villa, Everton and Leeds to be 2 points behind 4th place with 5 games to go. The Nause-a-coaster continues apace. On the plus side, Europa league looks like it's in the Bag. Yeeeeeeeeaarrrruuhhhhvomithghgffft.

Gonna turn the heating off. ASSNA like a thick pair of bed socks. S2_E16

This week we discuss West Ham having bigger games than playing Spurs as they are rolled over (3-1), Newcastle sent packing with Shelvey at centre back (5-1), Romero being better than Diaz and looking forward to ripping the souls out of Arsenal in the play off to piss on United's grave. Top 4 here we come! Extended happy days!
COYS

”A WRECKING BALL WITH BRICK DUST FROM AN ABANDONED SHITHOUSE.” S2 E25

A United loss and a painful reminder Ronaldo is the 34th best player on the planet at 37; followed by a Brighton routinely far from routine 0-2 victory that will only be remembered for Harry Kane's Pepsi endorsement by kicking a Coca-Cola bottle that we can only assume was lobbed by a Spurs fan. 
Heady days! Top 4 is somehow still on and the Arsenal rearranged defeat is still to come. Vamos!
We discuss the devil of Romero, Kane's insuperable brilliance and Kulusevski at Brommapojkarna of Stockholm Europe's largest football organisation with 247 age teams of mutiple age groups comprising of 3000 players. Dejan must have been a player to get through that lot.

MATT MARADOHERTY_S2_E14

9 Goals in 2 games without reply against Leeds and Everton to go some way to banishing the horror of our recent home defeats to set up a prize shitshow against feckless Manchester United at the Weekend. 
We talk loan players, the PSG collapse and why Marcos Llorente needs to sign for Spurs and why 2 images spliced together of Maradona's Body in 1986 and Matt Doherty's implacable face of 2020 has caused a minor internet sensation. Behold: Matt Maradoherty!
No crap quizes or rubbish competitions. Just crap. Enjoy!
 

THE HOUSE OF CONT_S2_E13

Crickey! 6 points against the champions elect this season, then the abject and yet absurdly inevitable Burnley reverse to be supplemented by the beating of a soon to sacked Bielsa's Leeds and then another flacid away day at Middlesbrough in the Cup which leaves everyone connected with Spurs ever so slightly numb and wishing away the months until the Summer. 
Don't you just love this ridiculous game?
We discuss Conte and what the hell is going on, and conclude that Abramovich's departure via the back door after 20 years will benefit Spurs in the years to come. 
In Cont we Trust.

”I’d throw it in the incinerator, but it won’t burn twice.”

This week we discuss the end of the world plus the Southampton (2-3) and Wolverhampton Wanderers (0-2) defeats. 
 
...whilst reminiscing on our trip to the San Siro 11 years ago. FFS.
 
 

The TOP 4 conundrum (and how I love the BOMBA!)

Top 4 is on; and Conté expects no less. Oh and by the way, Harry Kane is back.
We discuss the Leicester miracle, the Chelsea debacle and the Brighton  routine victory in the FA cup to set up Middlesborough in the next round.
And we welcome Kulusevski and Bentancur to the club whilst semi mourning the loss of Ndombele, Lo Celso and Dele Alli. Bryan Gil remains superb.

Traoré, the bearded lady and sword swallower. (S2_E10)

It's been an encouraging start under Conté but we expected no less, Liverpool escaped with a draw, Palace rolled over 3-0, Southampton delivered a drab 1-1 draw and a Watford last minute victory through Davinson Sanchez which has left Spurs within touching distance of the top 4 before our humbling 2-0 against Chelsea in the Carabao cup where "we looked like a team of Darren Caskeys" before our 3-1 victory against Morecambe in the F.A Cup to set up a tie against Brighton.
We discuss the magnificence of Lloris and why the organisation has failed Tanguy and ruminate on why inverted wingbacks has convinced us that Adama Traoré should be signed; along with a sword swallower and a bearded lady for good measure before Arsenal at the weekend.
 
 

Tottenham v Liverpool; if ever there was a game to convince the government not to shut down football this was it.

👅I watched that that Liverpool game back. We spanked them. 3 games in hand; we're coming for ya!
🥁We touch on Mura, being dumped out of Europe and the storm brewing under Conté.
 

Does Olé get to keep the Wheel, or will he receive smaller replica?” + Vitesse, Everton and Leeds. (S2_E8)

This week we cover our new supremo's first game against Vitesse Arnhem which turned out to be a cavalcade of debacles resulting in a narrow 3-2 win and finishing up with 10 v 9 on the pitch after 3 sending's off. Which means that with a win against Ns Mura ( I know) and Rennes we are greasing this group.
we then before the interminable bore of another international break, there was a mildly titillating 0-0 at Goodison Park against Everton...where the highlights were a penalty that wasn't one, nor was it given, ( I know pretty dull) and Lo Celso hitting the post and Holgate decapitating Hojbjerg's sock in a nasty red card challenge for the 2nd half substitute playing woefully out of position and it bloody well showed. 
This was followed by a narrow 2-1 victory against Leeds in Conte's first home league game where the first half was Mourinho (shades of AVB) and the second prime Pochettino demonstrating Antonio's tactical genius. ahem. 
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