The Tottenham Chronicles

”Merry G-tech-mas.”. 2-2 Brentford Away

We're back, the World Cup was wonderful, but the world really knows what time it is... and the Premier league is all that anyone could wish for...until you draw 2-2 with Brentford...
The Hackney Marshes maestros talk the World Cup shinning lights and what it takes to beat off the attentions of Chelsea, Manchester United, and Arsenal. 
We're in store for a wild few weeks. Don't get scared now!
 
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VAR WARS_S3_E10

This week it was Tottenham's turn to feel the wrath of the scourge of top flight football: VAR. We chat through the advertising potential of VAR adbreaks and why 60 second countdowns are the answer with fireworks and dancing ferrets.
We discuss playing a weakened team against Newcastle United (1-2) which backfired horribly in a match which consisted of the fewest minutes of ball-in-play in Premier League history and then we set our sights on our home fixture against Sporting Lisbon (1-1) taking Group D down to the wire where all 4 teams could qualify next week in the final game.
We lavish praise upon Bryan Gil and Rodrigo Bentancur because they are Gods of hellfire.
To the Velodrome!!!
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WHEN’S KULU BACK? S3_E9

🤣Eintracht (H 3-2), 😒Everton (H 2-0) and 🥶Manchester United (A 2-0)
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. 
Up the Spurs, still third, top of Champers league group...it's quite good, you know...but fack me, we've got loads to do.☠️✊🧶
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”Bell of Shame” S3_E8

Arsenal, Frankfurt and Brighton. 352's, 1st Saint Marco Regiment and Gian Piero Ventrone. 
Frankfurt and Everton at home. ticking over nicely.
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SON HEUNG-MAXIMUM

Sporting Lisbon sucker punch (2-0) and a Leicester City mauling (6-2)... On track firmly, we are.

A 2-1 MASSACRE (FULHAM) S3_E6

🧉A comfortably uncomfortable 2-1 win (Hojbjerg and Kane) against a Fulham side that until only until the last knockings of the match offered any resistance; which was preceded by an utterly forgettable (1-1) draw versus West Ham at the London Stadium in a match that we've all seen hundreds of times before- but nowadays we don't tend to lose. So a Hurrah would appear to be in order!
🚣We discuss the Marseille game (we know nothing but they look shonky in quick transition) and the upcoming Manchester City game at the weekend which is always a blast!
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Rich-Snarl-ison_S3_E5_FOREST 0-2 SPURS

👍A 0-2 victory at newly promoted Nottingham Forest courtesy of Harry Kane leaves Spurs sitting pretty in the top 4 after 4 games behind Arsenal and Manchester City. 
👺We discuss the splendour of Richarlison and how we must all used to attritional football and enjoy the tears of others, interspersed with some moments of genius to lighten the mood, just enjoy the "W's kids!
🤕We then turn our attention to the transfer window being bricked up; then West Ham, Fulham and Marseille in rapid succession... things are hotting up in what will prove to be a real bezerker season but one with real promise. 🤹‍♀️
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#coys
 

PSG, SPORTING AND COPENHAGEN in the Champers League please S3_E4

🐺Wolverhampton (1-0 Kane) was a bit of a dirge but in a long season with a World Cup in-between, Spurs will need to keep ticking over with results like these whilst Liverpool, Chelsea and Manchester United look to gory rebuilds. 🐐We discuss the rare genius of Harry Kane and look ahead to malformed Forest. (They are too early in their development to be any good and we should prevail.)
🖕And finally we discuss the devious skullduggery of Cuti Romero and how he mysteriously sat out the Wolves game citing an injury - but akin to a hitman who is required to lie low in a flea ridden desert hotel for a few days to let the incident (attempting to pull Cucurella's hair disguise off) "blow over" our mad bastard central defendsive enforcer has announced himself fit for Nottingham Forest just as the PGMOL cop car has turned the corner...Sharp practice from a Spiky team. Up the Spurs 
 

Stole a point from Satan. S3_E3

2-2 v Chelsea. We ate turd for 90minutes and stole a point from Satan's clammy and mostly dead clutches.
We discuss, hair pulling, Cuti cutting Havertz in half, evil, spitting on Eric Dier's shorts, Rich-snarlison, vomit, the absurd ambidextrousness of Perisic, the soon to become crowd favourite Bissouma and the enduring and flailing menace of bottom placed Manchester United.
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”Kulu on Kouli, Chelsea are in trouble” 4-1 v Southampton S3_E2

It was the 1st game of the 2022/23 season and Tottenham appear to be cooking. Southampton wilted 4-1 to a Spurs team that had purpose, poise and an unrelenting appetite to tenderise. Ahem.
We the turn our attention to Chelsea in the 2nd game of the season at Stamford Bridge aka "The Dark Shrine of fallen idols" full of unheralded confidence; and that's not something you can often say in the last 20 years.
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Cheers
The Tottenham Chronicles team.
 

”Bring the Pain” S3_E2

🤩Tottenham are on the precipice of something truly terrifying; a team and head honcho who feel that they could crush the football universe. 🙀 This is a rare event  and one that must be honoured, so rejoice.
Spurs are teetering, inconceivable notions have been dreamt, impossibilities suddenly seem tangible and so as of now, the Spurs army feel tall, perhaps the most substantial we've ever felt in recent memory...So obey this treasured moment; and despite almost 30 years of flickering light perhaps we this season we could burn brighter than ever before. Oh do bring the pain; but not for us, season 2022/23 is nigh. 🧟

”On me head, Richarlison” S2E20

This is the most comfortable transfer window in recent memory: UCL qualification, an incredible group of players that is being bolstered daily by assassins and a manager that brings the pain...and as for everyone else they are recovering from Ryan Mason's wedding piss up!
We talk Richarlison, Perisic and Bissouma and how the art of deception is Conté's secret weapon.

Without You Arsenal, We Are Nothing. S2E19

Nuno Espirito Santo, Pacos de Ferreira, Antonio Conte and NS Mura; this season has been a wild ride comprising of pain, hardship and more pain, but inexplicably we are now 90 minutes away from Champions league football. 
Soccerball, eh?
Our best night ever against our made up arch rivals and ill-conceived Arsenal followed by a dry Burnley match ( did you really expect anything less?) culminating in an Arsenal gut drop for the ages against Newcastle which sets up a final match of the season against an already relegated Norwich…what could possibly go wrong?
But if it all goes right...some of the best attacking talent in the World will be representing in the World's finest knock out competition...or it might be Eddy Nketiah!!!
We are building right!
UP the Spurs.!

WINNER TAKES ALL...OR NOTHING...S2 E18

It's a winner takes all (perhaps) in the penultimate, penultimate match of the season between 4th and 5th to maybe decide who will go into the prequalifying rounds of a competition that neither team can possibly win. 
Oh, this one is for the ages alright. 
It's a match as big as the 1991 FA Cup semi final at Wembley...and 5 years since Arsenal finished above Spurs in the league.
Can Tottenham survive the might of Rob Holding, Elneny, Cedric Soares and Eddy Nketiah?
This is the biggest, albeit spuriously rearranged, game for Spurs since 2019...
Take it all.
#coys

”Marcus Rashford should consider joining Greenpeace” S2E17

Losing to Brighton at home (0-1) and drawing away at Brentford (0-0) after obliterating Newcastle, Villa, Everton and Leeds to be 2 points behind 4th place with 5 games to go. The Nause-a-coaster continues apace. On the plus side, Europa league looks like it's in the Bag. Yeeeeeeeeaarrrruuhhhhvomithghgffft.

Gonna turn the heating off. ASSNA like a thick pair of bed socks. S2_E16

This week we discuss West Ham having bigger games than playing Spurs as they are rolled over (3-1), Newcastle sent packing with Shelvey at centre back (5-1), Romero being better than Diaz and looking forward to ripping the souls out of Arsenal in the play off to piss on United's grave. Top 4 here we come! Extended happy days!
COYS

”A WRECKING BALL WITH BRICK DUST FROM AN ABANDONED SHITHOUSE.” S2 E25

A United loss and a painful reminder Ronaldo is the 34th best player on the planet at 37; followed by a Brighton routinely far from routine 0-2 victory that will only be remembered for Harry Kane's Pepsi endorsement by kicking a Coca-Cola bottle that we can only assume was lobbed by a Spurs fan. 
Heady days! Top 4 is somehow still on and the Arsenal rearranged defeat is still to come. Vamos!
We discuss the devil of Romero, Kane's insuperable brilliance and Kulusevski at Brommapojkarna of Stockholm Europe's largest football organisation with 247 age teams of mutiple age groups comprising of 3000 players. Dejan must have been a player to get through that lot.

MATT MARADOHERTY_S2_E14

9 Goals in 2 games without reply against Leeds and Everton to go some way to banishing the horror of our recent home defeats to set up a prize shitshow against feckless Manchester United at the Weekend. 
We talk loan players, the PSG collapse and why Marcos Llorente needs to sign for Spurs and why 2 images spliced together of Maradona's Body in 1986 and Matt Doherty's implacable face of 2020 has caused a minor internet sensation. Behold: Matt Maradoherty!
No crap quizes or rubbish competitions. Just crap. Enjoy!