The Tottenham Chronicles

SPURS 2-3 BOURNEMOUTH. A grizzly affair. 
Apologies are in order - throughout the episode admin was testing out a wet fart sound effect (seemed fitting) that would record live but it didn't make it onto the imported files(we'll investigate this). So it would appear to the listener that we are laughing at nothing (again, fitting given Spur's finale to the season).
So to be clear that whenever we laugh for no reason(this happens a fair amount)...imagine a sloppy fart sound effect and an accompanying actual turd, I find it helps with finding closure with this chod that won't flush kinda season. 
Bournemouth at home. We lost...Ha. 2-3
Well as long as we're building for the ffffuuuuut... ah forget it.
Enjoy the show.
 

So VAR in the end cut shorter Conté's reign (by 10 weeks).
Wiithout that BS decision at Southampton Spurs would have been 3rd and the Italian would still be here. I suppose it's better this way. Oh well the football was excrement...but his first full season? Ouch.
But we've kept all Conte's staff...whichh means he's still here, so it was a personality contest and no one likes you. Fine. 
In other news FIFA has decreed that Paratici can't function as a DOF, well, at least we got Romero before his black book got seized and good luck in football jail.
Everton, next. 
Oh whatever.
#COYS
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😶‍🌫️3-3 against bottom of the table Southampton. 3-1 up with 15 to go. Ouch. I even watched Brentford during the week to get a steer on them. Sheeesh.☹️
😡Conté has done a "Burnley" and given us piece of his mind in what has become his yearly address but will he be around to pick up the pieces after this instance of oratorical fireworks where no prisoners were taken. ☠️They were obliterated and then phlegm'd on.
BOMBACLATENACCIO
💣💣💣

Fakinel. We are on the floor. 2 goals in 6 games. Out of the FA Cup, Adama'd at Molineux and then 180 minutes of slow fade to black against AC Milan for Spurs to exit the UCL.
This is a tough one.
Recorded straight after the game. Too annoyed to publish immediately. Here we are. 
We did beat Nottingham Forest, so, Top 4 is still on but twas a bitter blow ending a turd of a week.
Enjoy! uck'Well!

2-0 v Chelsea. (Skipp, Kane) 26th feb 2023
For 20 years Chelsea have been a jacked up Frankenstein, today, a bloated corpse circumventing FFP by being execrable. We’ll enjoy this one.
This week we salute academy graduate Oliver Skipp, fulfilling his boyhood dream of scoring for Spurs; 13 years in the making.
For all the shite that surrounds the game…Stories like Skipp’s reminds you that football cannot be tamed.
Top 4 is very much on with important games coming up…Just like last year - and even though the injury list makes for unpleasant reading...the team works despite it's lack of frills. 
Up the Spurs. 

🤪Lloris - retired from international football, Bale plays golf full-time, Paratici could be going to jail, Doherty is fired (mutually), Kane top Spurs scorer ever, we finally get Porro, City to get relegated due to financial tomfoolery and Conté's bile duct expl🤬des. It's been a fun few weeks for Spurs and, dare I say it, things are aligning rather nicely. 
🤓We look back at City 1-0 (Kane)  and look ahead at the train-wreck that is AC Milan right now in the UCL!
#Coys

"End of the World" after Villa (0-2) they said -  but then the Palace away (0-4) victory was so comprehensive, which makes everything strangely the same.  Listen close, Tottenham will go to the wire... it will be most absorbing...
Arsenal next...most delectable.
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We're back, the World Cup was wonderful, but the world really knows what time it is... and the Premier league is all that anyone could wish for...until you draw 2-2 with Brentford...
The Hackney Marshes maestros talk the World Cup shinning lights and what it takes to beat off the attentions of Chelsea, Manchester United, and Arsenal. 
We're in store for a wild few weeks. Don't get scared now!
 
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This week it was Tottenham's turn to feel the wrath of the scourge of top flight football: VAR. We chat through the advertising potential of VAR adbreaks and why 60 second countdowns are the answer with fireworks and dancing ferrets.
We discuss playing a weakened team against Newcastle United (1-2) which backfired horribly in a match which consisted of the fewest minutes of ball-in-play in Premier League history and then we set our sights on our home fixture against Sporting Lisbon (1-1) taking Group D down to the wire where all 4 teams could qualify next week in the final game.
We lavish praise upon Bryan Gil and Rodrigo Bentancur because they are Gods of hellfire.
To the Velodrome!!!
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🤣Eintracht (H 3-2), 😒Everton (H 2-0) and 🥶Manchester United (A 2-0)
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. 
Up the Spurs, still third, top of Champers league group...it's quite good, you know...but fack me, we've got loads to do.☠️✊🧶
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Arsenal, Frankfurt and Brighton. 352's, 1st Saint Marco Regiment and Gian Piero Ventrone. 
Frankfurt and Everton at home. ticking over nicely.
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Sporting Lisbon sucker punch (2-0) and a Leicester City mauling (6-2)... On track firmly, we are.

🧉A comfortably uncomfortable 2-1 win (Hojbjerg and Kane) against a Fulham side that until only until the last knockings of the match offered any resistance; which was preceded by an utterly forgettable (1-1) draw versus West Ham at the London Stadium in a match that we've all seen hundreds of times before- but nowadays we don't tend to lose. So a Hurrah would appear to be in order!
🚣We discuss the Marseille game (we know nothing but they look shonky in quick transition) and the upcoming Manchester City game at the weekend which is always a blast!
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👍A 0-2 victory at newly promoted Nottingham Forest courtesy of Harry Kane leaves Spurs sitting pretty in the top 4 after 4 games behind Arsenal and Manchester City. 
👺We discuss the splendour of Richarlison and how we must all used to attritional football and enjoy the tears of others, interspersed with some moments of genius to lighten the mood, just enjoy the "W's kids!
🤕We then turn our attention to the transfer window being bricked up; then West Ham, Fulham and Marseille in rapid succession... things are hotting up in what will prove to be a real bezerker season but one with real promise. 🤹‍♀️
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#coys
 

🐺Wolverhampton (1-0 Kane) was a bit of a dirge but in a long season with a World Cup in-between, Spurs will need to keep ticking over with results like these whilst Liverpool, Chelsea and Manchester United look to gory rebuilds. 🐐We discuss the rare genius of Harry Kane and look ahead to malformed Forest. (They are too early in their development to be any good and we should prevail.)
🖕And finally we discuss the devious skullduggery of Cuti Romero and how he mysteriously sat out the Wolves game citing an injury - but akin to a hitman who is required to lie low in a flea ridden desert hotel for a few days to let the incident (attempting to pull Cucurella's hair disguise off) "blow over" our mad bastard central defendsive enforcer has announced himself fit for Nottingham Forest just as the PGMOL cop car has turned the corner...Sharp practice from a Spiky team. Up the Spurs 
 

2-2 v Chelsea. We ate turd for 90minutes and stole a point from Satan's clammy and mostly dead clutches.
We discuss, hair pulling, Cuti cutting Havertz in half, evil, spitting on Eric Dier's shorts, Rich-snarlison, vomit, the absurd ambidextrousness of Perisic, the soon to become crowd favourite Bissouma and the enduring and flailing menace of bottom placed Manchester United.
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Enjoy the show.
 

It was the 1st game of the 2022/23 season and Tottenham appear to be cooking. Southampton wilted 4-1 to a Spurs team that had purpose, poise and an unrelenting appetite to tenderise. Ahem.
We the turn our attention to Chelsea in the 2nd game of the season at Stamford Bridge aka "The Dark Shrine of fallen idols" full of unheralded confidence; and that's not something you can often say in the last 20 years.
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Cheers
The Tottenham Chronicles team.
 

🤩Tottenham are on the precipice of something truly terrifying; a team and head honcho who feel that they could crush the football universe. 🙀 This is a rare event  and one that must be honoured, so rejoice.
Spurs are teetering, inconceivable notions have been dreamt, impossibilities suddenly seem tangible and so as of now, the Spurs army feel tall, perhaps the most substantial we've ever felt in recent memory...So obey this treasured moment; and despite almost 30 years of flickering light perhaps we this season we could burn brighter than ever before. Oh do bring the pain; but not for us, season 2022/23 is nigh. 🧟